


these unsaid feelings

by Wing



Series: Ficlets and things [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, River Rock, Sleepless nights, Young Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wing/pseuds/Wing
Summary: It’s not a secret, per se.It’s just something unsaid, unthought and just lying dormant inside; just wedged somewhere between his heart and his ribcage and thumps lethargically every so often. It’s a chill that never seems to go away.or: young obi-wan has a sleepless night as he deals with some insecurities. Moderate hurt/comfort featuring the river stone.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Ficlets and things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904329
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	these unsaid feelings

It’s not a secret, per se.

It’s just something unsaid, unthought and just lying dormant inside; just wedged somewhere between his heart and his rib cage and thumps lethargically every so often. It’s a chill that never seems to go away.

It’s just something he doesn’t think about unnecessarily and never often. 

_There is no emotion—there’s peace._

He repeats and repeats and repeats. 

Usually that settles the frantic beat—settles the ache inside, the cold, but not tonight. 

At the depths of his subconscious, the voice that usually lies dormant whispers. _You’re a burden_. _He doesn’t want you._

It whispers and whispers. His heart clenches painfully and the thumping between his ribs doesn't ease.

He can’t sleep. He’s wide awake, when he knows he shouldn’t be, but the events of the day keep rearing in his mind and his head’s spinning from all the thoughts that he can’t keep still.

_“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon begins, pauses contemplatively and then continues, “just head back first. I’ll finish up here.” The disappointment in his voice is so palpable Obi-Wan almost flinches._

_“Yes, Master,” is all he can muster through the lump in his throat and the burning in his eyes._

_It was_ his _fault, his fault entirely. He had messed up,_ again _._

_With a small bow, he abruptly spins and flees the room._

_He doesn’t want you._

It’s not a secret, per se, but not something he voices aloud. It’s not something he usually allows himself to hear. 

But it’s there and on nights like this, it rears its head and sometimes he feels like he can’t breathe. 

Obi-Wan rolls over and takes a deep breath. And then another. _Calm yourself_ , he mentally coaches. He does this over and over again, attempting to release his feelings into the Force. It helps a little but he’s too wired up, too tired, too inexperienced to completely face these demons right now.

When he thinks he can breathe again, when the frantic thudding in his chest calms slightly, he rolls over again, his blanket twisting in his growing frame, but this time, something hard presses into his side. 

Wiggling a little back, he reaches to see what it is, and his hands close around something small, something hard, _something warm._

 _The river rock._

He suddenly feels a different kind of beat in his chest, but it’s slow and familiar. 

The lights are off but there’s a sliver from the twin moons that stream into his guest quarters tonight. It’s enough light to see the little stone he holds in his hands. The red streaks in the deep darkness still stand out luminescently.

It’s mesmerizing and it’s still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His heart aches.

He thinks about the moment Qui-Gon gave it to him, to the moment it had saved his memories and he feels the Force flow through it once more. He feels a rush of gratitude that starkly cuts through the whirlwind he’d been feeling all night.

It feels anchoring in his sea of emotions. It gives him focus.

Between the warmth of the Force in the rock and his constant mantra _there is no emotion—there’s peace,_ the whispers quiet and the tight grip inside simmer and almost disappear.

It’s not that it goes away completely but it sinks back to where it stays, where it’ll always be, he thinks, but he grips the rock a little tighter, feeling the warmth fill in the space between his heart and his ribs and tonight, Obi-Wan finally sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Small ficlet I typed on my phone while on my daily 4 mile (indoor) walk. Please do not attempt unless absolutely sure of your surroundings! I used a random prompt generator and...loosely applied them. They were "Mirror Mirror (write about the most beautiful thing you can think of)" and "Dirty Laundry (write about the deep secrets of a character)." I gave myself an hour to think and write about 500 words.


End file.
